Peter Pan Complex

There's probably some truth to saying I'm afraid to grow up. Not that I'm in danger of going into some  creepy Neverland, but let's face it, so far my adult life has consisted of getting a job amongst sparkles at a children's clothing store. And using my employee discount waaaay too liberally for someone childless.

Mostly I just buy the Mario T-shirts, promise. And sparkly headbands.

But really, my mom is rather correct in her attempts to launch me. I left college burnt out and not even being able to think about grad school or a job, so I moved home and got a day job. Now I've been in that job almost a year, and I keep saying I'll look at grad schools but not doing so, I haven't even looked at my senior thesis in more than a year, and with the ending of my internship, it seems all I do is fold sparkly T-shirts. I can't even remember the last time my room was clean.

Maybe its just this moment, with the need to look for Grad programs actually approaching (because the thought of getting a job just now would be too much growing up), that I feel my childhood longings. But let's face it, grownups clean their rooms, and do grown-up jobs, and at 22 I'm in that world more solidly than I like to think sometimes. I also need to start actually managing my life (so I can give you guys posts of what I've been doing).

Now, off to spend a week with high-school band nerds. (what a great way to grow up).

When I get back I may just have a grown-up tea party where we all dress up and eat fancy desserts and sip tea not like childish buffoons.

Not so much to grow up, but because I want to have a tea-party. And a sudden longing for a teapot tattoo.

Gold Star to the Wendys who have to go back to reality.

Leaving my beloved...

That is right, I am going camping, and leaving my computer home. Even though the McDonald's, with its tempting wireless is right next door to the campground, I am resisting. Is it bad that I desperately want to take my computer CAMPING? It says addict to me...

This is step three of my plan. Take time off the internet.

Because I've discovered something -- there is a big difference between getting inspired by the internet, and being inspired by yourself. Both have their plusses, but you need a balance of both. Right now, all my inspiration comes from being too poor to buy the pretty clothes I want. I spend my internet time not creating, but viewing others' creations and being jealous. And I'm not entirely sure I'm all right with that.

Perhaps that is why, even though I have restarted my blog, have tons of brand-new ideas, and am generally revamped in my motivation, nothing has really happened here. My inspiration all comes by way of copy. My inspiration is all from other peoples' things, and there are plenty of places on the internet to share things that aren't my blog. Sharing things is not bad, but I want my to live MY inspiration, and make my internet space what I make my world -- not how I copy  others because I like what they did. Plus, thats skeevy. Even though I don't copy so much as interpret, as a journalist, I find this unacceptable. In writing and in life, you need to create your own material -- and there is no problem being inspired by others, but you need to make it your own.

I have been working on stuff, and original stuff. I promise. I have FINISHED stuff, just waiting for a photo shoot. But I need time to plan and to be inspired by my inspirations, not others'. And I am going to take this week off to plan, to ruminate on how to make my blog MINE. And when I come back I will have lots for you.

Gold Star to the brave ones fighting internet addiction. They should make PSAs about that stuff.