So, it really doesn't get much more personal than this. I'm not going to spill my life's story all over the internet here, but in the spirit of re-introduction and reflection, here's a piece I wrote a while ago, based on Seventeen magazine's "Letters to the seventeen-year-old me" pieces they'd have in the back of their magazines.
Dear Anna,
So, this birthday was a lot better than the last one! Though I would never say it was fun spending it (and the weeks to come) recuperating from getting T-boned that morning, know that you are blessed with an incredible optimism that will blossom even further. Not many people would look back and say they were blessed to spend their sweet sixteen in a hospital, but you will continue to view it as so. Blessed you survived, and grew to know your own strength. You also lost 20 pounds and have kept it off, which you don't fully appreciate right now, but its pretty boss in a shallow way. Hey, we're human.
You just got back from Europe. You're missing your daily hit of fresh bread (heads up -- when you come back from Italy, it will, unbelievably, be the tomatoes you yearn for), beautiful castles, and the wonderful friends you made. You've met some of the loves of your young life (and no, not the friends -- who are no less wonderful and necessary even though you will find you've drifted from them). These loves go by names like The Thrill of Embarking to a New Place, The View from a Bus Window, and The Weird Ways Humans of All Cultures Are Oddly the Same.
You've done a wonderful thing by leaving home and being brave, and know that though you will go on to graduate from two wonderful schools with high honors and accolades, know that it will be your travels you consider your greatest accomplishments.
You've also cememted your bond with music. You will be unsure whether you want to continue, but after all that work relearning to play the flute, you better not give it up. You will worry that pursuing it will be putting too much on your plate. You will ignore that worry, and your life will be harder for it, and you will overload yourself because of it, and you will never regret it. Staying connected to music will change your life. You will do things and meet people you never would have elsewise.
Speaking of that other school you're going to graduate from -- you're currently embroiled in turmoil about what that will be. You're hitting your senior year wondering why you didnt do the million college tours the bright young set you belong to typically makes. It's okay. It just means you've spotted what you want. You won't get in, but that will be okay. Because you will be getting an offer from a place you never considered, were dragged to by your mom, that will change everything. You will be thrust into indecision, you will worry many times if you are settleing at this place. You don't know this yet, but you aren't. You will know soon enough. You will know when your last words to your grandpa are that you are attending his alma mater. You will know when you see the look in your Dad's face when he realizes his daughter will graduate college without debt. And you will certainly know when you work at the school paper, carry its colors in the marching band, meet professors who will change how you think, and the day you and your roomates stand in university park with your gowns on and your little brother keeping your cap from flying into the lake (in his favorite pinstripe suit). Unlike your high school cap, you'll keep a hold of this one :)
You've done pretty well for yourself, and I'm pretty sure you know this. You're weird, quirky, sometimes socially unacceptable and you dont care. Though you don't realize it now, you avoided the majority of teen drama and made friends who are mature, supportive, and who will help you grow. One day not too far from now, you will be looking at those who didnt avoid it so well, realize how stupid it is, and be so glad you loved your life in those days. But, hey, try flirting a little -- it really won't hurt you to get a little practice in. And know that the next five years will take you on a ride.
Gold Star to the awkward ones :)
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